You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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