how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I forgot wine drunk hurts
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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