Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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