Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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