remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
