You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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