Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize