There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
