I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
