she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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