I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
