Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I'm both gender and math confused
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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