we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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