First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Terrible idea I love it
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
