how can u be prego again
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Randomize
