from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
