Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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