Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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