She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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