we have officially lost it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
