You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Vodka?
Forever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
