don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
