1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
