This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
