God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
