It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
