Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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