Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize