too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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