I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
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