I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
