Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
