So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
