Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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