You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My first STD was from a foam party
People in love make me want to vomit
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
