I only kidnapped one of them. chill
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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