I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
