Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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