Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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