I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
