No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
