I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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