I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
