she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize