Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I deserve this hangover.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
