Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Randomize