this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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