I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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