just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
