My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
