Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Randomize
