Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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