Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
