I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
