you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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