Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize