Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He felt like a one man threesome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Randomize
