I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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