Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
love makes seman taste better
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Randomize
