Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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