She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
