You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
