i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
