all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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