The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
