last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
