Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
