I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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