I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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