So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
