If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
