You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
