Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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