Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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