the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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