and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize