so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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