Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
