Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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