My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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