Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
