My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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