okay pat passed out under dana's car
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize