so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
