I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
