Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
