She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
