just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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