She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The best revenge is premature balding
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
