Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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