I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
