I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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