I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
