Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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