So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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