Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
