When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
