as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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