How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
