He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
