I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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