i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
