at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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