no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
