I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
