i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
