My first STD was from a foam party
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize