3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
