I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
