I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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