It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
