weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
