were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize